It’s been a rough couple of weeks. Though I’ve done some things right, I’ve also failed. A lot.

After wallowing in self-pity and frustration at my lack of success for over 48 hours, my dad finally sat me down for a talk.

I was expecting an inspirational pep talk. Usually my dad’s pep talks are really sweet and full of praise. This was no pep talk. This was a get-it-together talk.

Here’s what stuck with me. He said “you treat every grade and competition as a referendum on who you are.”

I’ve been told my whole life not to judge myself on my accomplishments, but rather who I am and what I fight for. I guess I’ve always pretended to hear the message, but never really took it to heart. I guess I have never really been challenged enough to see how I handled failure. When I didn’t fail, it was easy to build my self-esteem on things I had accomplished. If I won a writing contest, I could consider myself a great writer. If I won a citzenship award, I could consider myself a good person.

As it turns out, when you fail, you have to rethink things. You have to rebuild your self-esteem based on different qualifications. It’s really challenging, and I consider it a ongoing goal for my life.

How do you react when you fail at something? Please leave a comment.